Not dark yet

I will have to starve this suburban me
I will have to put blinders on him for a time
I will have to beat him with a bamboo cane
I will have to show him what an awful thing he has become
I will push him farther than he has ever gone
Farther than he thinks he can go
He will have to suffer

I will have to admit things that will punish me deeply
I will have to see a truth too long hidden
I will have to resist the lies I have told myself
I do not have to cry for the things I’ll be losing
But I’m sure that I will for the sense of catharsis
I have grown attached to the thing I have become

I cannot be the man I want to be
By doing the things that I have always done
I cannot be the change I want to see
By ignoring or forgiving the small failures I am so often guilty of
I do this as a celebration of me
I do this because I believe that I am capable of greatness
I do this because I will not live a life of quiet desperation
To do otherwise would be cowardly
Dishonest
Unfair

I have rediscovered the power of integrity
I have surrendered again to the compass of love
I have remembered that I am connected
The first steps were easy
The journey is long

When I am hungry
You’ll see in my eyes
The passion and purpose
That defines my life
The leanness of me
The power and sleekness
The joy and the love
The worth and the weakness

I will be the sun
I will be the child
I will have control
But I will be wild

I will care for my freedom

Thank you for helping me practice my patience
Thank you for loving me as I fell short of myself
Thank you for believing in a me worth achieving
And for caring enough to be disappointed

I will love you better
I will always love you
I will
I will